So here I am. Blogging when I should be sleeping. I was thinking about how when I was younger, like elementary days. I was a teacher's pet kind of kid. I wanted good grades and I worked hard in school naturally because I was never really rewarded from my parents for doing so, something in me just wanted teacher approval. I was a complete nerd to be honest. I read the encyclopedia... for fun. I researched things that scared me so I could understand them more in hopes to no longer be afraid. If reading more about them happened to scare me more, I learned how to handle the situations. For example, where to be if a tornado ripped a part the city if you didn't have a basement to hide in. In 6th grade I became aware of boys. Somewhere around 7th or 8th grade I began to realize that people thought I was pretty. By 9th grade, somewhat of a monster was created.
I feel for the most part that I was never a mean person. I went through phases where I was mean, but overall I always felt bad and tried to make things right. Throughout that time I do recall being someone that I feel was not me. I can remember not wanting to be a "smart kid". In jr. high I was in honors math and english but when I went to high school, I opted out of honors to be a part of the average english and math courses. Regrettable. I look back and feel like I was a nerd hiding under a cool kid persona. Now that I am much more aware of who I am and accept and love the person that I am I laugh at the persona I tried to display in my early years of high school. One of the friends I made my junior year, Craig, told me that when he met me Freshman year he didn't like me. He thought I was a dumb jock. An airhead type of girl. I didn't like him either, I thought he was a "know it all". As we became friends through choir, we both realized that we had a lot to learn about the other. He wasn't a know it all, just really smart. (He eventually went to Dartmouth and NYU to do fabulous things. Rumor has it that he used to read the dictionary in elementary school to expand his vocabulary.) And I definitely wasn't a dumb airhead, although at the time I probably wouldn't have minded that connotation.
I think one of the reasons why sometimes I feel so alone when it comes to "friends" is that many people that I chose to be friends with back then aren't compatible to me now. Many people that I am able to connect with from back then, I might have viewed as nerds for lack of a better term. I am almost certain that if it wasn't for the way that my friends at the time viewed these people, I probably would have gotten along better with the "nerds" than with my friends at the time. And now it's too late... I mean, I don't have a relationship with those people anymore. I have connected with a few on facebook which is cool, but not to the point where I would come visit them or anything. I am really grateful that through Andrew, I have met some really awesome like minded individuals that he went to high school with and feel less alone. Although, not all of them live in Visalia, through facebook & blogging I feel close to them and hope they know I think they are awesome and special!! Thank you for friending me!
On to my next agenda... here I go with my super long posts...
RESOLUTIONS!
- Work Out Daily.
- Eat healthier. (blah blah aren't these two EVERYONE's resolutions?)
- Be more creative ie. yard sales mentioned below, painting, decorating, etc.
- Begin a 365 Blog of myself...
Let me elaborate on that last one. In my attempt to be more creative, there are a few things I want to try. One is to be more comfortable in my own skin. How is that creative? Well I saw a photographer named Megan create this way cool 365 self photo blog. At first I thought it was a little vain. BUT that is just me being uncomfortable with myself. I worry a lot about what others think. One thing I love about creative people and artists is it appears like they don't! Her blog was amazing! Sooo... some people may think I'm vain but whatever. I hope that it will be fun and I hope that I can devote myself to this project. Another goal is to go to yard sales and create awesome things with junk! So to start off my 365... here is a photo of me from today.
Welcome to my new blog.
Christina, Carly, & I decided to take fun photos in cool places in Visalia. Super fun day and these girls are seriously awesome to hang out with!
Oh High School. I'm pretty sure if you were trying to be yourself, high school was miserable. But then again I think we all enter a phase in life where we go off in another direction and loose ourselves for a bit. I enjoyed reading your blog today!
ReplyDeleteI am looking farward to reading more of your blogs. I LOVE to read things you write about. I still believe you should write a book. =)
ReplyDeletedon't worry, you weren't the only person thinking I was vain ;) It was a really really great project that helped me both with my confidence and being comfortable in front of the camera as well as with my creativity. I wish you the best of luck!! & just have fun with it!! :)
ReplyDelete